All Gods High
Other Pages From Bo's Journals
February 11, 2015
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror after my shower this morning. My body doesn’t look like a man’s… if I hide my penis, I basically look like a pretty girl (without bosoms). I have no body hair at all. I’m so glad I don’t have to go to gym class… I hate the thought of everybody staring at me.
I’ll probably never have a girlfriend. Nobody could be attracted to this. I should just sign up for hormone treatments and become all the way girl. I might fit in better that way… better to be a girl than a girly boy.
March 20, 2015
I got stuffed into a locker again by those three neo-nazis. I spent probably a good three hours stuck in there and I ended up pissing in my pants. When Babbage found me, he told me if I wasn’t so goddamn effeminate, I wouldn’t get in these situations. I hate him so much, but I couldn’t even say anything… he’s right, after all. I didn’t ask to be born this way, weak and anemic. I wish I could’ve said something back… anything. Feeling helpless is the absolute worst feeling there is.
Sadness minus hope = despair.
May 5, 2015
During the Old Gods’ warmup, Rhiannon came in drunk on tequila and wrestled me to the ground. She’s not just stronger than me, she’s a LOT stronger than me. She sat on my chest and demanded a kiss before she’d let me up… Finn made her let me up anyway.
It was the most attention any girl’s ever paid to me, drunk or not. It feels so pathetic… the closest I’ve ever been to a kiss was my friend’s drunk little sister. I kind of wish Finn had just let her force me… at least I’d have had my first kiss, and Rhiannon is starting to develop into a pretty young woman, not just a pretty little girl.
I’m so goddamn pathetic. What I wouldn’t give if Anima would wrestle me down. I hope I can dream of that tonight.
September 9, 2015
We recorded some great stuff this week. Finn keeps asking me if I’m ready for a stage performance… I’m really letting the band down. I just keep thinking everyone will laugh at me.
October 31, 2015
I accidentally walked in on Rachel changing clothes. She had her music going, and her door wasn’t closed all the way… not on purpose, it turns out. I knocked and walked in, and there was Rachel in her undies. She didn’t see me, thank God, and I got out of there without her knowing.
I wonder if she’d be mad… I bet she would. No girl wants me spying on her. God, though… she looks amazing. If I had the guts, I’d ask her out. There aren’t many girls as smart as her… I feel like I can talk to her without worrying that I’m talking over her head. Apart from Molly, that pretty much doesn’t happen with any other girls I know. She deserves better than me, though… some guy with… actually, I don’t know. Whatever.